"Love Makes A Family" Blog Series Two Mom Family Reciprocal IVF @babybaileymamadrama

Celebrating the unique & wonderful ways families are made

& the journey of love that brings them together

Meet Katie and Christina Bailey! They are a two mom family with two young girls. Despite not living near any other same sex couple families, they have become an inspirational presence online through their Instagram account as @babybaileymamadrama. Their beautifully created account lets you follow their daily lives and see the things they do as a family. Through their visibility, they are advocates for the same sex family community, inspiring others to show just how “traditional” their “non-traditional” families really are.

Here’s a little Q & A to help us all learn more about the joys and challenges of being a two mom family.

Q: With two mom families there are potentially two possibilities when it comes to which mommas egg is used and which momma carries the baby, how did your family make that decision and was it a difficult one? Help others understand what is unique about reciprocal IVF and why it important for some two mom families to go that extra step vs. an IUI?

A: Katie never wanted to have kids until she met me. Since I had always wanted to kids, we had the idea that she would carry my egg. With this process, we would both be part of the process. I would use my genetics and she would grow and give birth to our child. This way, both of us would be part of the process. We didn't want to do IUI because the chance of success was much less than IVF and we both wouldn't play a physical role in creating our child. This doesn't mean Reciprocal IVF is for everyone but for us, it was important that we both physically play a role.

Q: What types of challenges, if any, do you encounter being a two mom family either within your family or from others?

A: We encounter challenges being gay as well as being gay moms. We get asked a lot about who is the "dad" when they really should be saying "donor." Many people say this comment harmlessly because they don't understand it is an offensive comment.

Our oldest daughter has asked about why our family has two moms and her friends have a mom and a dad. We just explain how all families are different. We don't have any gay families that live close by so it is hard to understand from her point of view why her family is the only one with two moms. Eventually, we hope we can find at least one other friend who has two parents of the same gender. It's also hard when she loves Disney movies and every movie has a mom and dad and every princess movie has her falling in love with a prince and living happily ever after. There are no Disney movies that show that a girl can love a girl or a guy can love a guy.

We get called "sisters" very often. We have to either correct people or just choose our battles of when we want to explain our life to others. It does get rather exhausting but we are also very thankful to even live in a place where being gay isn't a crime.

Every form we fill out for our kids has a spot for a "dad" and a "mom" and we find ourselves always crossing out the dad spot and writing in mom. We have had to explain that we are a two mom family even after doing this because it wasn't self explanatory I guess.

When we were first looking for daycare after our first daughter was born, we didn't receive a spot in a school because we were gay but our friends did who were straight. It was disappointing but also good to know because we wouldn't want our daughter at a school that didn't support our family.

After we had our first daughter in the hospital, we had to come back for another checkup because she was jaundice. When we checked in the lady at the desk was very rude and asked which one of us was the mom. When we said we both were she explained there could only be one. After a very long check in process we proceeded to the appointment very sad.

When we are traveling we are very careful about showing affection. We have received rude comments before about it in front of the kids and it made us scared. We would never want to put our kids in danger so at times, we choose to not show our love.

Overall, I would say that being a two mom couple has it's issues but I don't think it is anything compared to what our girls might face once they are older and in school. Kids can be so cruel to anyone who is even a little different than the "normal" family. I only hope good things happen for them and if something comes up, I hope they handle everything it nicely.

Q: What are your hopes for your daughters when they start to go to school and get those “unfiltered” questions about their two mommas?

A: My hopes are that they handle each situation nicely. I know it is hard to be the bigger person in tough situations and not sink to the lower level. I hope that we raise them to be that person. I also hope that rude comments don't get to them and don't hurt their feelings. We want to raise strong girls who can take on any challenge.

Thank you Katie and Christina for sharing your story!